The demon in my soul
by Light Yagami Hater
Summary: "He's with me constantly, my only companion in this psychotic world in which I inhabit." We take a look into the things that crafted one of the most inspiring characters. What made him into the monster he is today? Can he ever rid himself if his inner demon? What did he do that drove him so insane?
1. Chapter 1

Got to run. Got to go faster. Got to get away. Can't go back. Only forwards I've gone too far this time. I didn't... I didn't mean to kill him. Just meant to hurt him. Just had to make him stop. Stop hurting her.  
I stop behind a dustbin in an alley way, side aching from a stitch, breath coming in short gasps. One thought. One heart stopping, gut wrenching, game changing thought.

_**'DID HE DESERVE IT?'  
**_

After everything he'd done surely he deserved it? Surely he had it coming? If not by my hand then someone else's? I mean, its not like it's the first time he'd tried to kill her. He'd already finished the other one off. He was a murderer. He deserved to die. His death was justice to those he had hurt, to those he had killed.

So why did she cry when she'd realized he was dead? When she knew she was rid of that monster? When she drove me out because I'd killed the one person that she loved. All I could think was _'what about me? Don't you love me?' _Maybe I scared her? When I knelt in a pool of his blood, drinking it , laughing manically. Maybe she thought the same as everyone else. That I was a freak. Or was it the fact that I had ENJOYED his death? Enjoyed feeling his life ebb away between my fingers, seeing his pain filled eyes go blank, hearing his last breath leave his body, being surrounded by the intoxicating smell of his blood and the TASTE of his blood, bitter sweet like revenge. Revenge. Can't she see that's what this is. Revenge for them.

As I sat there regaining the ability to breath normally again, my twisted thoughts whirled in my head like ballerinas rehearsing for Swan Lake. Then one definitive idea. The demon in me awoke taking what little humanity remained in my soul and locking it in a chest deep in the darkest corner of my mind. _'BLOOD, BLOOD. GET MORE BLOOD. KILL SOMEONE ELSE. ENJOY THEIR DEATH JUST LIKE YOU ENJOYED HIS AGAIN, AGAIN, DO IT AGAIN!' _the demonic voice whispered in my ear, _'FEED OF THEIR LIFE ESSENCE LIKE A VAMPIRE, BECOME A CREATURE OF THE NIGHT! LURK IN THE SHADOWS, PREY ON THE WEAK. LET BLOOD BECOME YOUR ADDICTION, THE REASON THAT YOU LIVE AND BREATH. AFTER ALL WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR?'  
_"Nothing." I answered the voice in my soul "I have nothing left to live for except blood." A demonic grin crept across my face as I let the demon posses my thoughts and my soul, _'GOOD. THEN LET US GO. LET US LIVE LIFE IN THE SHADOWS FOREVER MORE.'_

From that day on I became the killer my demonic soul wished me to be. He became my companion, the nameless voice that controlled my life. I left behind my old life and took to the shadows. Took on a new name and became one of the most famous serial killers of all time. At least until Kira came along. With his magical ability to kill serious offenders with heart attacks anywhere in the world just by knowing their name and face. I was grateful for my new name and elusive nature. It meant I could keep on killing without having to look over my shoulder for Kira. I was caught eventually. Handed over to the one person in my demonic existence that meant anything to me. The woman that I loved, that I fought day and night with my demonic soul to convince him not to make me kill her. She betrayed me but I still love her. I still feel incomplete without her. Naomi Misora, my one and only love.

* * *

I slowly work on a plan to escape and regain my love. Meanwhile I have to sit in a cell and wait for the 'psychiatrist' Matt. At least that's what he claims his name is. It's really Mail Jeevas. I can see it floating around above his head along with his death date 'January 26th 2010'. Don't ask me how I know. I think it's one of His powers. To see the real name and death date of every human He comes into contact with. The cell door opens and in he walks, smoking as per usual. I'm convinced his nicotine addiction is the reason behind his early demise. He'll only be about 19. Though I sympathise with the guy I really do. I know what it's like to be addicted to something. Although the situations behind our addictions are completely different.

Mail's is due to his troubled childhood. Mum died shortly after he was born. Dad blamed him, abused him, you know the usual sob story. Mail lost himself in his smoking. He claims it made him feel better, helped him cope. He finally got away from his dad at the age of 13, (he'd been smoking for 3 years prior to this). His dad had come home pissed out of his head, called Mail a bunch of abusive names, grabbed a knife and stabbed him repeatedly in the stomach before leaving him to die bleeding onto the white shag rug. If it wasn't for Watari (Quillish Wammy, founder and head of the orphanage Wammy's house. More on that later.) who'd apparently come to the house in order to look into other reports of child abuse at the house, Mail wouldn't be hear talking to me. _'WHAT A SHAME. IF THE OLD GEEZER HAD ARRIVED THERE A BIT LATER WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO SIT HERE LISTENING TO HIM POURING HIS HEART OUT!' _he muttered as Mail told his story. At the time I couldn't prevent the snort of laughter that came out of my mouth at the comment, which of course you can imagine Mail took completely the wrong way. The look of fury that appeared on his face caused me to laugh harder.

Our relationship has been rather strained since that incident. Matt is Wammy's House's number 3. Hard to believe that an orphanage for gifted children counts this idiot as their third smartest kid I know. Basically Wammy's has this system where the worlds greatest detective L... _'YEAH THAT BASTARD THAT LOCKED US UP WHO WAS WORKING WITH THAT STUPID SLUT YOU INSISTED WE KEPT ALIVE!' _Shut up. I'm explaining something, and Naomi isn't a slut. She would never deliberately sell us out, she's waiting for us to return. She... she loves me. Anyway the orphanage, under the alibi of an 'orphanage for gifted children', trains orphans to be L's replacement ready to take over in case of L's death , or if he has too many cases going at once. The original generation was ranked from A-Z, A being the immediate successor; Z being the last minute cop out. When I was at Wammy's I was ranked B and my best friend Alex was A. _'HE WAS A GREAT GUY WASN'T HE. IT'S A REAL SHAME HE'S NOT AROUND ANYMORE.' _I smile softly at the thought of my lost friend. My thoughts shift to the day when I first arrived at Wammy's.

* * *

I was cowering behind the dustbin wondering where I was going to live now. I couldn't go home, so where was I going to go? Suddenly I could hear footsteps. My heart started beating so hard I could hardly breathe. I wanted to get up and run but something held me to the spot. Him. _'ANOTHER PERSON. KILL HIM. TASTE HIS BLOOD. BEGIN YOUR LIFE IN THE NIGHT NOW.' _That's when he appeared. L. Long, shaggy, black hair similar to my own, deep black eyes the sort that bore into your very soul and a hunched posture. He wore a long sleeved white top and worn blue jeans, feet clumsily stuffed into a pair of old trainers.

"Hello..." he said a confused look on his face. I opened my mouth to reply but no sound came out. "Why are you behind the bin?". No reply. "Do you have any family?" I shook my head slowly then looked at my feet. They were black from running with no shoes on. "Come with me. I know somewhere you can go." I looked at the stranger in bewilderment. My instincts told me to run. I had always been taught not to trust strangers, but for some reason I felt compelled to trust him. It felt as if I'd known him my entire life. I got up shakily and walked over to the tall man. "My name is L. What's your's?" I paused. I knew I had to change my name. If he knew my real name he might take me back home. "BB. It stands for... Beyond Birthday. What does L stand for?"  
"I'm afraid I can't tell you yet Beyond. But as soon as you're ready you will know."With that he turned, beckoning me to follow. I stumbled after after him, confused by the riddle he had just given me.

* * *

**A/N: ****Okay new fanfic. I know I have other things to be writing but I wanted to give you this so I hope you enjoyed. I'm currently consulting my friends to come up with a plotline for the next chapter. Hopefully it'll be up soon.**

**LYH**


	2. Chapter 2

I followed the stranger through the dirty streets growing more and more conscious about the lack of shoes as I stubbed my toe on stones and stumbled over curbs. Finally, after what seemed like hours of walking, we arrived at the top of a long, worn, winding drive surrounded by evergreen and oak trees, a site in its self as oak trees where, and still are, a scarce site in the UK, especially in London. The entrance to the drive was blocked by a large, gold-coloured iron gate, and attached to the sign post was a well polished golden plate reading: 'Wammy's House. Orphanage for Gifted Children.'

"Where are we? Why have you brought me here L?"

"This is my home Beyond. You claimed that you have no family, which makes you an orphan, correct?"

"Yes…"

"Well then this your home now to."

"B…but I'm not gifted L. I have no special talent." L bent down to my level and looked me straight in the eyes, with those deep, soulless eyes. I felt like I was falling through an abyss just looking at them.

"You do have a talent BB, you just haven't found it yet. That's what this orphanage does. It helps you discover your hidden talents. Trust me. You'll find one BB. Everyone here does eventually."

I nodded and followed L as he unlocked the gate and walked down the drive. After another five minutes of walking, we arrived outside a huge mansion that looked as if it had been stood there for hundreds of years and yet looked brand new at the same time.

The mansion was as puzzling as the man who was leading me into it. Something wasn't sitting right. Just who was this L? What did he want with a street rat, who'd just fled his home after killing his own… no. He didn't know about that. Not yet anyway.

"Is this the place?"

"Yes. This is Wammy's house. Come. I'll take you to meet Roger."

A roll of thunder crashed over head, and lightning began to dance through the oak trees, illuminating a clock tower. At the time, I had no idea how significant that place would be to me. All the fun. All the laughter. The night I lost my best, and only, friend. All these events were yet to come.

I followed L, confused. Who was this Roger?

The hall was spacious and well lit. A set of stairs ran up the left wall and a corridor stretched out to the right, doors leading to different rooms evenly spaced down it. The red carpet reminded me of the blood that had soaked my hands a few hours before.

'_YEAH TELL THAT STORY THIS ONE'S BORING.'_

Not yet. I'll tell it when I'm ready.

'_AW. COME ON B, PLEASE!'_

DON'T CALL ME B!

'_OOOOH! SOMEONE'S TOUCHY TODAY! THAT TIME OF THE MONTH IS IT?'_

SHUT UP!

'_GEEZ. SORRY BB. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU. I WAS ONLY TEASING.'_

I know. I'm sorry. You know I don't like being called B.

'_SORRY DUDE. DIDN'T DO IT TO BE MEAN.'_

It's okay. Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah. Meeting Roger.

"Follow me BB. I'll take you to Roger's office. It's this way." I stumbled after L, fatigue taking its toll on me now the adrenaline had gone. I hadn't realised how tired I was. We stopped outside a door and L knocked softly.

"Come in," said a voice from the other side of the door. L frowned slightly.

"Watari, is that you?" he said, pushing the door open.

The office was spacious, with a book case along each wall. A desk sat in the middle, with two old men sat either side of it. The rounder of the two looked round at L and smiled, "Yes L. I came to see you."

Watari (as dubbed by L) stood up and walked over to L. A smile worked its way onto the, until now, emotionless face of L. "It's good to see you Watari. How have you been?"

"Fine, thank you. Who's your friend?"

All three sets of eyes turned to me. "This is BB. I found him behind a dustbin on my way back here."

"What were you doing behind the dustbin young man?" asked Watari

"I- I- I was looking for food sir." I stammered. I couldn't tell him the real reason I was behind the dustbin.

"Well then, it's a good job L found you." The other old man behind the desk spoke up. I presumed this was Roger.

"Is there room for him here?" L asked.

"Yes. He'll share with Alex. But first let's get some food into him. He looks so thin."

After about an hour of cramming my face with as much food as I could, I was led from the office by Roger. We went up the stairs and along a long corridor, identical to the one downstairs. When we reached the end of the corridor Roger opened the door. I looked around. There were two beds. Sat on one with a torch in one hand and a book on his lap was a boy with sandy brown hair. He looked up, startled at the interruption.

"Sorry Roger, I know its way past lights out, but I got so into this book and-"

Roger held up his hand to stop the boy. "It's okay Alex. I'll let it slip this time. You have a new room-mate. This is BB." Alex's grey eyes turned to me. He carefully folded over the corner of the page and closed his book. He got up and came over to me. He stuck out his hand and said, "Nice to meet you BB. The name's Alex. You wanna be friends?" I smiled at Alex and shook his hand. "Yes."

"Good. Would have been kinda awkward if you'd said no, what with us sharing a room and all… follow me. I'll show you where to put your things."

"I- I don't have anything except the clothes I'm wearing."

"Oh, well nevermind. I'm sure we can fix that, right Roger?"

"I'll take you both shopping tomorrow. In the meantime, Alex, can you lend him some pajamas?

"Sure! Batman or Spiderman?"

"Spiderman. I prefer Marvel to DC."

"Good choice! I have a feeling we'll get on well, you and I!"

Roger chuckled softly and closed the door behind him as he left. "I wonder… could he take the role as B?" He shook his head and walked down the corridor. "I hate kids. Now I've got to take two of them shopping."

**A/N: ****That's it! Poor Roger. Don't forget to review.**


	3. Chapter 3

That was it for the next ten years. Alex and I grew incredibly close after that first night.

I was prone to night terrors at first. Those nights were the hardest. I used to wake, screaming and crying, and Alex would silently get up, walk over and sit on the edge of my bed, rubbing my back. He never judged. He never asked questions. He just rubbed my back until I calmed down and then went back to his own bed.

As I adjusted to life at Wammy's the night terrors lessened, until I didn't suffer from them anymore. By day I began to study, catching up on all the stuff I'd missed as a kid and slowly but surely surpassed the other eight year olds in my class.

After six months I'd moved onto the work Alex was doing (the secondary school level work, like Shakespeare and all that). It was tough at first, but Alex helped me with the things I struggled with, (like ratios. I mean what even is that?), and eventually I was almost on par with him.

Life was bliss. We studied by day, and read and played by night. We would often be up until the early hours of the morning playing 'Super Paper Mario.' The older we grew, the closer we got. Then, one day it all changed. Alex withdrew into himself. He wouldn't speak to me. He just there, a blank expression on his face. I never knew what the matter was, and it was ALL HIS FAULT. IT WAS HIS FAULT HE NEVER GOT TO TELL HER HE LOVED HER. IT WAS HIS FAULT I LOST MY BEST FRIEND.

* * *

We were called into Roger's office at about 3 o'clock. We just presumed it was about staying up past lights out. It wouldn't be the first time we'd been called to his office for that reason. Roger hated kids, and as a result enforced very strict rules as to what we kids could and couldn't do. Reading after lights out was Rule Two Hundred and Thirty Two. It was only when we arrived, that we realised something was amiss. Casa, the only female remotely approachable in the whole orphanage, stood waiting outside as well. I'm not saying she was my friend, she just didn't seem as bothered by me as other people. We had a mutual tolerance for each other.

It was different with the Alex though. The two got on like a house on fire. They would spend lessons passing notes to each other and smiling softly at each other across the classroom. I had a feeling that what they felt for each other was more than friendship. There was something else there. An emotion I had never been able to understand or feel, and had never been given to me. Love.

"Still carrying round that stupid Spidey bag?" Casa asked raising her eyebrows and smirking at Alex. There it was. The one thing they could never agree on. Which was better. Marvel or DC. I laughed softly and lent against the wall as they argued the merits of both comics.

Suddenly, the door opened, and the debate ceased immediately. Stood in the doorway, dressed in the same clothes that he had worn the night he found me, was L. My jaw dropped. L never came to Wammy's. There had to be something very important going on to bring him all the way over here.

"Ah. You're here. Come in."

We followed L inside Roger's office. He gestured to three seats and we sat down, opposite to the large desk that usually had Roger sat behind it. Instead L got up onto the chair and squatted on the chair, similar to the way I was sitting on mine.

"I have called you three here to discuss a very important matter. As you know, I work as the greatest detective in the world. This is not a boast, this is purely fact."

We smirked at the last sentence.

"In the event of my death I would need someone to fill my place. That's where you three come in."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying L?" Alex said, looking shocked and voicing the question we were all thinking.

"Yes. You three, Wammy's House's best and brightest, will be my successors. Alex you will be known as Alternative and will be the first to inherit my name, Beyond you shall be know as Backup and will be the second to inherit my name and Casa you will be know as Copy and will be the third to inherit my name. You are dismissed."

"WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT? NO EXPLANATION OR ANYTHING? JUST 'RIGHT YOU GUYS ARE MY HEIRS THAT'S ALL FOLKS SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS SO I CAN DROP ANOTHER BOMBSHELL ON YOUR LIVES TA TA!' " I had never seen Alex so angry.

"Yes that is all. Oh and also, if your standards slip below the required mark I'll disinherit you. Well then off you go to lessons. Oh and Alex..."

Alex spun round furiously and glared at the insomniac.

"WHAT?"

"Don't slam the door on your way out."

Alex's eyes seemed to spew fire as he looked away from the detective and stormed out, closely followed by Casa and I, and slammed the door deliberately.

* * *

After that meeting Alex grew distant. He didn't talk to me and kept is head down in lessons. The only person he would talk to was Casa. I tried confronting him about it one night, but he just said "Leave it Backup. It's nothing."

I was hurt and confused. We'd made a pact when we came out of the office after our meeting with L, that we would never call each other by the names that L had given us. So was Alex calling me 'Backup'.

_YOU KNOW WHY BB. HE WAS..._

Yeah, I know I know, but they don't. I'm building up the tension. It's called good story telling.

_OH RIGHT. SORRY CONTINUE OH MIGHTY STORY TELLER_

Thank you.

* * *

After the 'Backup' incident, Alex and I stopped speaking to each other. We grew distant and everyday I missed his presence. The nightly debates. The reading. The gaming. All gone. Thanks to L. I began to resent the man that had taken me from the streets and given me a home. The resentment turned into hatred on that night. The night I lost Alex forever.

_YOU'RE REALLY GONNA TELL 'EM THE WHOLE STORY?_

Yeah why not? Who are they gonna tell?

_FAIR ENOUGH._

* * *

I walked into Alex's and my bedroom, after what had felt like the longest Latin lesson of my life. I longed to discuss the events of the lesson with Alex, but I knew that ship had sailed over two months ago. As I slumped onto my bed, I spotted a folded piece of paper on the bed. I picked up and unfolded it. My heart thudded in my chest as I read the note on my bed. I racked my brain, trying to figure out where he'd gone I had to stop him. It couldn't end like this._  
_

A thought struck me as the clock chimed eleven. The clock tower! He'd planned to confess his love to Casa at midnight by the light of the full moon, (according to Casa anyway. I have no way of knowing whether or not this is true. But I have to say that the full moon was pretty breathtaking.) I couldn't help envying Casa. She was about to enter a state of friendship I could never have with Alex.

I raced up the stairs, adrenaline and panic driving me on-wards. I had to get to him. I had stop doing this. I emerged on the roof-top balcony breathing hard, scanning the scene in an attempt to spot my suicidal friend.

"ALEX! ALEX WHERE ARE YOU?" I yelled, hoping for a response.

"BB? Is that you?" I spun round trying to spot the voice's source. It seemed to be coming from above me . I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. Alex was stood above me on the thin ledge in front of the clock face.

"ALEX WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?"

"Didn't you read my note?"

"OF COURSE I DID! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HERE?"

"Then you know what I'm doing here."

"BUT... but what about Casa?"

Alex looked away, his eyes filled with tears.

"And what about me? You're the only friend I've ever had..."

"I thought you hated me after I called you Backup."

"I could never hate you Alex. Why don't you come down? We can sort this together."

"I'm sorry BB..."

With that, he let himself fall from the ledge. Time seemed to freeze in that single moment. I couldn't move. I just watched as my friend fell from the roof. My legs moved of their own accord. I ran towards Alex in what felt like slow motion. I watched as his face contorted in fear as he rushed through the cold night air. Without willing it to, my hand reached for his, attempting to stop him falling, rescue him from his impending doom. I grasped for his fingers, time flowing painfully slowly. my hands found his wrist and I gripped it hard.

"I've got you Alex. I'm never letting you go again,"

Time seemed to speed up to its normal pace again as I attempted to pull Alex back onto the roof. It took an age. Alex was heavier than he looked and it took all my strength to pull him upwards. Then he slipped through my grip. I panicked, scrabbling for his fingers. I caught him at the last moment and managed to pull him back onto the roof.

I lay there panting heavily, trying to catch my breath. Suddenly, Alex grabbed hold of the front of my shirt and yanked me to my feet. I was held there, in front of his face, for several moments before the argument began.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"Wh... what?"

"YOU KNOW I WANTED TO DO THAT!"

"But... but..."

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO INTEFERE? REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME? YOU KILLED A MAN!"

I snapped at this moment I had told him this in the strictest confidence and here he was throwing it back in my face.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME! YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I INTERFERED! DON'T PRETEND THAT THIS EVENT IS THE SAME AS THAT ONE!"

I tugged my self free of his grasp and glared at him.

"I SAVED YOUR LIFE! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL?"

"WHY? BECAUSE YOU STOPPED ME FROM GETTING OUT OF THIS STUPID RANKING SYSTEM WITHOUT HAVING TO FAIL ALL MY EXAMS DELIBARTLY! I TRIED THAT! IT DIDN'T WORK!"

"FOR GODS SAKE ALEX! YOU INVITED CASA UP HERE TONIGHT! SHE THINKS YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER! SO WHAT... YOU WERE JUST GONNA THROW YOURSELF OFF THE ROOF AND LET HER FIND YOUR MANGLED BODY? HOW MUCH OF A PRICK ARE YOU?"

With that I shoved him hard. He stumbled and fell. But not onto the roof. I'd forgotten that the edge of the balcony was just behind him. The last thing I saw was his shocked face as he rushed towards the ground. I raced forward to catch him but it was too late. He hit the ground with a dull thud, his neck and left leg in the wrong positions. He was dead.

"BB! What have you done?"

A voice came from behind me and I spun quickly just as the clock struck twelve.

_'TICK TOCK CINDERS! THE PRINCE IS DEAD AND HIS BRIDE HAS COME TO VIST? YOU'VE REALLY FUCKED THINGS UP THIS TIME BB! HYUK HYUK!'_


End file.
